"Hi, Who Am I ?"

     Most people spend a lifetime trying to figure out who they are. If you're lucky, before you die, you might find a little peace in who you've become. So much of our lives are spent 'becoming' that we actually spend very little, being. And while it's definitely about the journey and not about the destination, you've gotta know who you are, before you can start being yourself.


     In childhood our parents try and tell us who we are, but they are so far off the mark that all we know is we don't want to be them. We watch the dynamics of whatever environment we are raised in, and mimic anything useful; but for the most part, I remember just seeing the stuff that didn't work and making mental notes to be sure and avoid these situations myself. Oddly enough, those are exactly the kind of things you are most likely to do as an adult; your inner child watching helplessly as you repeat the sins of the father. Genetic embarrassments, cauterized into the core of your DNA.


     In school we do a lot of chameleon behavior, trying literally anything to fit in. People may go through a number of painful incarnations of themselves before finally finding an archetype that works. Bad hairdos and questionable clothing aside, the act of finding one's own true self, can be a daunting task. Deciding in high school whether you're a jock or a preppie, stoner or hipster, punk or a nerd, isn't the half of it. Those are mainly decisions about fashion. What I'm talking about is the search of a lifetime. The climb up the mountain to ask the guru,
   "Hi, who am I?"


     But I think that might be the problem. We are always asking someone else, who we are. When you are formulating your persona, you aren't doing it in an introspective way. You're distilling all the personalities you've witnessed up until that time, and trying to form some kind of composite person, using only the most successful parts of those you've known before. And let me assure you, no matter who you are, you are not made up of wholly successful parts of anything. And thank God that you're not. What kind of robotic, unsympathetic alien would you have to be, to be perfect? All the people I love the most are not even close to being perfect, and sometimes their imperfections are what I love most about them.


     This doesn't mean to be true to yourself is to have license to phone life in. Being yourself doesn't mean trying less, it means trying harder. Don't say what they want you to say, say what you feel is right. Don't look in the mirror and ask what others are going to see, ask what you see, and does it fit with how you feel. 


     Ultimately, being your true self is going to disappoint some people. Alright it's going to disappoint a lot of people, but it will make a few important people really happy; and you will be one of them.