"Permadork"

     The Permadork is a rare animal. Although there are many subgenus within the species, Dorkorus Majorum, the Permadork is in a class of his own. About as common as fringe elements in any one monotheistic belief system, the Permadork is an extremist. His ability to remain self-unaware while the entire world looks at him and says,
   "Are you fucken serious?!?" is unmatched in the animal kingdom.


     Firstly, if you're a dork, don't get worried. The chances of you being a 'Permadork' are exceedingly low. By nature, dorks don't have much social interaction, so they tend to be smart, engaging in arcane rituals such as reading and the like. This means you only need a small shove over into cool, and in this day and age of the anti-hero, it doesn't take much. You can't be ham-handed about it, like say, dork to hipster. Too close, they'll spot that right away, no, you'll have to be clever about it.


     The Reformed Dork

   This is a great one because you can almost retain your same wardrobe with just a few minor adjustments. You have to sell it like you weren't always a dork and are simply 'hiding in dork's clothing' from an ambiguous dark past. No one but a felon or an ex-junkie would do this, so it lends you an air of mystery.
   This role is extremely difficult to pull off, as it takes a large amount of confidence, which dorks don't commonly have.


     The 'I'm Aware I'm a Dork and Wear It Like a Badge of Honor'

   Again, confidence, but it makes people believe it's a choice you've made, instead of a horribly lonely existence that's been forced upon you by fate.

     Ultimately, the best transformation would be to simply brand yourself as an academic, and your dorksuit allows you to fit in. But for God's sake, modify your dorksuit.
   If it looks like you cut your own hair, even if you don't, get yourself a proper haircut. Running horse sheers over your skull and then shaving your sideburns equal to the top of your ears, isn't an attractive look.
   No picture T-shirts! Your love of wolves or Star Wars characters doesn't broadcast 'sexy', so leave it out.
   Sensible shoes are a dead giveaway. If you are wearing neon colored running shoes and are thirty pounds over-weight, you're telling people something about yourself, and it's not good. Wear something innocuous, a good pair of low-top Chuck Taylor's will serve you well. Nobody cool is concerned with arch support.
   Don't act like a dork. Having forty minute conversations on a quiet bus about the virtues or shortcomings of cable T.V. vs. satellite connections, doesn't make women want to talk to you. Actually, nothing makes women want to talk to you besides being George Clooney, so you are going to have to talk to them. 
   Don't treat them like they're an alien, they're just people, and probably almost as dorky as you, they just hide it better. Make them laugh, preferably not at you, but humor is good and if you make them laugh, you're half-way there.
   After that it's mostly just about hygiene. Try not to smell bad or poke her in the eye, and be yourself. Well, mostly yourself, try and work guitars or motorcycles into the conversation, and always pick up the tab.

     Now go swashbuckle.