"An Agnostic Noel"

     Nothing like the holidays to get your mind off religion. What a pesky, arcane, useless thing religion is nowadays. I know a lot of people get riled up when they think about the way Madison Ave. has hijacked the holidays from religion. And it's true. It is also true that religion had been hijacked from the people, centuries ago.

     I was watching a documentary on the 'Ice Man' on PBS not long ago, (you still haven't responded to their pledge drive.) and it was saying how little, evolutionally speaking, we have changed since his time. We live a bit longer now with modern medicine and have a little length of bone from improved nutrition, but we are all Homo Erectus, and have mainly the same traits as he did. The Ice Man was lactose intolerant and had heart disease. He had tattoos, and was carrying a piece of new technology - for the time - when he was killed. He was shot from behind, probably by someone he knew. This was five thousand years ago.

     My point is, that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Our bodies are decaying organic matter, and regardless of what you do, we are all going to die.  Man has always possessed the newest greatest thing, and it has never once led us to Utopia. People have always been jealous of their neighbor, and in some cases killed because of it. And, of course, tattoos are just as cool as they ever were. I think we can all agree on that.

   I'll tell you what we don't have in common with him. A simple belief system. The ones we have now are anything but simple and have undergone huge sea changes in their basic fundamental dogmas, countless times during our history. Religious figures have been some of the most heinous known to man. I shudder to think what some of the founders of monotheistic religions would have to say about the custodians of their faiths. You ever play 'telephone'? That's one statement, in a single room, with a handful of people; and it rapidly turns into 'purple monkey dishwasher' before your very eyes. Imagine what folks could do with an entire belief system over a few millenia.

     I am an Agnostic by default. Despite what you might think, you are ALL Agnostic. Gnostic means knowledge, Agnostic literally means, without knowledge. And let me assure you, you are all without knowledge. On most subjects really, but certainly on matters of faith. Let's face it, religion deals with God, the afterlife, our purpose in the Universe. Let any among you, with a wealth of knowledge on these subjects, step forward now...

     Exactly.

     Don't feel bad. Nobody has a clue about any of this stuff, and I'm pretty sure the Big Guy upstairs knows it. I don't care what anybody tells you, they aren't Moses, they're not Mohammed, they've never met Jesus, and they don't know the Buddha. They are men. Just regular ol' men. Not gods, not friends of God's. As a matter of fact, when it comes to meeting the Boss, I like my chances as an Agnostic better than those of somebody that has spent a lifetime claiming to know the mind of God. Talk about speak for yourself, sheesh. 

     I'm not religious, but I like Jesus. In my estimation, he was a pretty good dude. He seemed to like folks and tried to do right by people, even though they rarely understood what He was saying, and usually butchered the translation in the retelling. It must have been frustrating. But PR has always been a difficult vocation, and I think He did the best He could. Working with the public is never easy, and when His Dad sent Him down here to promote the family business, I'm sure He wasn't thrilled. The budget was extremely tight in those days, no gas card or even a Diner's Club; I think the per diem was some fish and loaves in a basket. Ridiculous. But He did it with a good attitude and that's what counts.

     Even though I'm not a member, I am a huge fan. I'm amazed at the restraint of Buddhists, I admire the caring nature of the Qur'an, the loyalty of Judaism and the simplistic virtue of the New Testament. I don't see many people doing it correctly, and would feel hugely hypocritical joining in, that being said, I can't have an honest discussion about my life and what I might think God would have to say to me, without being reduced to tears.

     Is there a God? I don't know. I'd like to think so. I think He might be inside of us, and I think We might be Him. If He is, I'd like to apologize for things I've done in the past. Oh, and I had no idea that pop-up was for a porn site. I thought 'round the world' was a basketball term.

     Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and have a safe New Year. The Big Man loves you.