But You Didn't Have to Cuuut Me Off

     Some of you may have noticed a rather Zen bent to my recent blogs. That's because I have been actively chasing my enlightenment. I feel at this stage of my life I need to be focused on my fellow human beings and how I can better love them and myself. Y'know what makes doing that difficult? Asshole Fuktard Drivers.


     Some of my Favorites:


   1. Line Cutter     These people are obviously special and their time cannot possibly be wasted waiting in line for the on-ramp like every other mother effer in a mile long line. No. They need to zip up all the way to the front and wedge their special ass in at the last minute. Neat.


   2. Weaver     Traffic is moving, sometimes even at a decent rate, but it's never fast enough for these folks. Everybody else is going with the flow, following a reasonable amount of car lengths behind the person in front of them, no one making any more progress than the next guy, but these fuckers aren't havin' it. They're blasting up to the rear of whoever is in their lane and then darting over at the first chance, hopping around like a flea on speed, not really getting ahead, but thoroughly pissing everyone off in the process.


   3. Day Dreamer     These people are truly blessed. Their lives are so unencumbered that they have all the time in the world to be in front of you. With no agenda whatsoever, it begs the question, "Where the fuck are they going anyway?!?" With an amazing gift for forward thinking, they never check their rearview, especially because the only thing in it is a string of angry commuters behind them. God help you if two of these arses 'link arms' in adjoining lanes and cavalierly meander down the highway.


   4. Teenage Texter     Like a daredevil who's tired of living, these carefree souls drift in and out of their lanes, too engrossed in the riveting dialogue they are having with their complexion challenged boyfriends to pay attention to their impending fate, or those around them. They care not for human life, only for status updates of their pajama wearing friends and where they will be hanging out later, murdering the English language.


   5. The Terminally Polite     Oh sure, they sound harmless, and they are if you meet up with them, one on one, at a four way stop. But behind a pair of these, you can easily lose your mind. Riddled with indecision and good manners, they can clog an intersection or turn lane for what seems like hours. The insidious nature of their evil is that they appear polite whilst driving you crazy, thereby making you look like the asshole, what with your screaming and flailing of arms.


     I have tried to find love in my heart for these people, but alas, it is beyond me. They have tested my better nature, and have won. I fear I will never attain my goal of enlightenment until these motherfuckers are scraped from the face of the planet. It's a long road ahead.