The Beauty of Daddy

     I have been many things in my lifetime, not all of them noble. As a matter of fact, I hesitate to recall my past too often, for it pains me deeply. I look horrible on paper. My past is an embarrassment and I wasn't raised that way; I have no excuse. I have heard many times that, whatever road has brought you here was worth traveling, in that all your experiences make you who you are today. I guess this gives me a bit of solace. But no achievement has given me close to the satisfaction than that of the love of my children.


     Y'know, your kids don't have to love you. Ask around, there are plenty of people who will tell you there is no love lost between them and their parents. Children are amazing barometers, they're absolutely unjaded. Poor kids love their folks; they care not for material excess, just for love. Kids with disabled parents, uneducated parents, fat parents, even ugly parents, all love them just the same. But you have to earn that shit. You can't buy it, you can't steal it, and you sure as hell can't demand it. There are people that force their kids to respect them, or at least show respect to them. I would argue that this is more fear than respect, but people that bully their own kids won't see that distinction.


     Kids come out clean, well, once you wash them off, and they will react to you in an amazingly honest way. You ever have a cat that didn't like anyone, and there is always that one friend that comes over and the damn thing is rubbing all over him. Kids are the same way, well, without the rubbing part, that would be weird, but you know what I mean; they can just sense that this is a good person. Ever try to bullshit your kids about something? They're not buying it. They may be too young to know what the real story is, but they know you're full of shit. Don't worry, they probably love you enough not to call you out on it, but still, they're watching you.


     I try not to impart wisdom on my kids too much, mostly 'cause I ain't got none. But I find that they impart wisdom to me all the time. Little truisms that I have forgotten along the way. Stuff my grandfather taught me but has been lost in the shuffle of adulthood. It's amazing what they can see through their tiny unfiltered lenses. Their world is much less complicated than ours and it allows them a tremendous freedom of observation. For one, they are not concerned about how they appear to others. That is something you will undoubtedly dump on them later. Thanks. Ooohh, put this one on, don't you look cute! Fix your hair, oh, that's cute! Look cute! Look cute! Look cute!
   Geezus! Will you fucken get off me lady?!? I'm just tryin' to ride my fucken bike! Sheesh.


     I do a lot of watching of my kids, and they in turn watch me. And without trying, without manipulation, without any effort at all, you parent. They aren't looking for much, just a little love and mutual respect. That's right, you have to respect your kids. You thought they just had to respect you, right? Fuck no. They are you. And if you don't respect yourself...nobody else will either. They want you to be good. To them, to others, to the World. If you are a good person, you don't have to tell them, they'll see it. Tough guys don't tell you how tough they are, they just knock the shit out of you when you fuck up. Likewise, good parents don't do a lot of talking. Don't tell me, show me.


     My grandfather was a great man. I can hardly even think about him without crying. You can't buy that shit. He never told me to love him like that. He would never. He only told me what was necessary to know, the rest he showed me by his actions. The way he loved my grandmother. The way he treated other people. The way he treated himself. I'll never be my grandfather, I don't think anyone could. If I could be half the man he was, and live that for my children, I would die a happy man.


     Now go ride your bike.